NIMBY

i remember as a kid in the bay area a movement to try to build some low rent housing in marin to supplement the already full and quite a bit slummy housing in marin city (for those sf transplants out there, marin city wasn't alway a big mall with an outback steakhouse, it used to be a real shit hole). the general reaction from all the folks in marin was, "wow, what a great idea! let's do it! just not in my back yard. . . " now, to be honest, nobody who knows about the types of people who populate marin were really surprised - they love to champion their causes for the poor, the needy, the indingent . . .as long as they don't have to change the way they live.

this leads me to the point of todays lesson children, and why i wasted a paragraph talking about marin people. it's another relationship blog, basically why peolple are stupid, petty, and jelous, and i'm not talking about the beautiful love of my life, but about the others. the others are the people who complain and are upset that suddenly you arent spending as much time with them anymore, that they don't see you enough, that you are to attached to your mate. is it a coincidence that these people are mostly single. it's funny because it's the kind of attitude you would expect from a 16 year old, not from people who are in their late 20's and early 30's and have actually been in relationships and lived life.

the strategy they employ has always amazed me - 'the cold shoulder.' so let me get this straight - the way to try and get someone to spend more time with you is to exclude them and make them feel unwanted - pure genius!!! did i miss that day in psychology class!? did i miss the day when they taught that the best way to treat your friends who have found a potential mate is to teach them a lesson by making them feel like shit? i've been amazed that people are so short sided, petty, and jealous. so you're think you may have found the person who you love and want to the spend the rest of your life with? now is the time to spend some real time with the person, see if that person really is the 'one.' you would think your friends would support that process, and in the begining, they do, beacuase it hasn't really affected them yet - you are in that phase where you want others around, to help the ebb and flow of conversation, to insulate you a bit.

suddenly, the comfort level has risen and you are spending more time alone with each other, learning and loving and see what the future holds. you would think your friends would be happy and rejoice for you - understanding you may be making a life long commitment to this person at some point, and would want you to take your time and figure it out, they will be here for you when you do. . . apparently, that is not the case. . . well, as someone's wise mother once said, 'you're not dating your friends.' it makes sense - if your friends excloude and make you feel unwanted, then the knee jerk reaction to spend less time with them - which seems to be the exact opposite reaction they intended. . . hmmm. . .i wonder why that is??? i have an idea - why don't friends try to be happy and understanding, and look down the long road ahead when that initial, 'we must spend every moment together' ends. because it does, and the true friend is the one that has supported you and waited for you on the other side - not the sorry, jealous bunch who tried to make it as difficult for you as possinble. . . which one will you call friend in the end?