family

there is always drama in families, and the eternal struggle for me is when to keep your mouth shut and when to clear the air. no matter how strongly you feel, and no matter how blaringly obvious the problem is, a blind eye is turned and pretended ignorance takes the main stage. this is true not just with families i realize, but when it involves family it seems that much more pressing an issue, that much more important to be dealt with, and if at all possible, solved. it amazes me that after people turn away from things for so long, how easy it is to keep a straight face and a nonchalant air - it's like the idea of the 'big lie,' you tell it long enough and it becomes true. the problem for me is that when you let something fester for so long, thinking it will never blow up, it is a much bigger explosion than if it had been dealt with swiftly, and at an earlier time. there is always the family member that wants the exterior to look pristine, pure, and perfect. in most cases the opposite it true. what it comes down to is the reflection of the self - 'my family is screwed up, it's my fault, people will look poorly on me.' when in realty, we all have free will, none of us has some predetermined outcome for our life that was placed with us at birth. except in the most extreme cases (child abuse, molestation, etc.), we all have the chance to move past whatever problems we have, or feel that our parents gave us, flourish and prosper, and to be successful. not monetarily successful, but successful with your self and who you are and how you treat others. obviously none of us is perfect in this regard, we all fall short - i do on many occasions - but it is the process of continually striving to improve that makes us great, and who else but our family should be there to help us along, instead of coddling us, and letting us fall continually short? so your parents were divorced, or your dad was never there, or your mom heaps tons of guilt upon you and tries to run your life - join the club, get over it (with therapy if need be), and move on - develop the person that you are, as opposed to the person who you think everyone made you, because in the end, it is you who is responsible for you, and not everyone else. dennis leary said in one of his stand-up routines, "I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet, allright?!" a bit crude, but straight to the point - life is not going to always deal you a full house, but who says getting three of a kind isn't all that bad? it's the people who don't get the full house all the time, but keep anteing up for the next hand, that are the ones i admire - the people who realize that life isn't always going to be exactly what they wanted it to be, but accept how it is, and are still trying to improve it, always working toward making it better, but also happy with where they are. these are the ones that figured it out, these are the ones that will die with no regrets and a big smile on their face - find these people, and you'll find happiness.